And by wrap up, I don't mean presents because there probably won't be too many. It's slim pickins this year! But we have each other. And what I mean by that is that we really, truly do have one another's best interest at heart. We pray together, sing together, laugh together. What more could a family need? Certainly not a bunch of wrapped packages tied up with string. My favorite things are much more substantial than that.
We have love.
So great a love that it's uncontainable and spills out into one another's lives on a daily, sometimes moment by moment basis.
We have peace.
That feeling of contentment that leaves you drifting off to sleep in one another's arms or all snuggled together under the Christmas quilt we nod off while watching White Christmas with a mug of wassail in our hands, which someone graciously grabs at the last minute and places securely on the table.
We have joy.
This is the biggie for me this year and hold onto your hats, your chairs, your wigs, your everything because God worked a miracle in my life this year that is gonna knock you right onto the floor when you hear it.
I struggled with clinical depression for at least 30 years. The initial trigger was a trauma that happened around age 13, followed by an even bigger one in early adulthood. I was crippled by it but learned over the years to just press on, keep plugging away at this thing called life. I didn't expect anything great out of life since my brain wouldn't allow it. I just basically hoped no one I loved would die before I did. Simple wish, eh? Well, after my favorite aunt, my grandfather, three uncles, my father, and my cousin all died (my cousin was murdered), I was virtually shell-shocked.
The depression deepened.
I tried several different medications with varying success. The drugs were most successful at adding weight to my hips. They're REALLY good at that! But the depression only got worse. Finally, I had reached the end. Thoughts of suicide filled my mind when I least expected them. Driving down the road. Trying to fall asleep at night. I had tried everything I knew how to do to get back to a healthy place with NO success whatsoever. There didn't seem to be much hope left, despite the fact that my husband and children needed me. I was only staying around for them, not me.
That must have been what God was waiting for. Either that, or He just decided to do something big to glorify Himself. I took my girls on a special girl trip to Virginia and we went to our old church (The Chesapeake Vineyard). Once there, a friend of mine, who coincidentally also suffers from depression, asked how I was doing. I said, "I should probably be medicated." She placed her hand on my forehead and said, "God, medicate her." Then someone tapped her on the shoulder and she walked away to answer a question. I left.
We went to a friend's house to visit. We went to the beach to get a suntan. We went back to my sister-in-law's house. Throughout the next day, I felt strange. My hands and feet kept feeling like they were floating upward. It was hard to walk. I felt so light I was afraid to drive. The girls told jokes that made me laugh uproariously. They stared. Finally, one of them said, "What's wrong with you? You keep laughing all the time!" That's when it hit me.
I WASN'T DEPRESSED ANYMORE!
This was big news. So I called my husband and told him about it (which is hard to do when you're sobbing happy tears into his ear). He did what any man whose wife has suffered from depression for as long as he's known her might do. He didn't believe me. When we got back home, I was able to cook and bake and laugh and let painful situations roll off me and counsel friends and love people and... live. He was shocked. Stunned. Amazed. We cried. I think I've cried more over the past few months out of happiness than I ever did when I was depressed!
I don't know why God chose to work a miracle in my life and why He doesn't do the same in other people's lives. It remains a mystery. God remains a mystery. I guess if He didn't, He'd become predictable and would more closely resemble Santa Claus than God. But boy, am I thankful! Every new day holds promise. Good things are expected instead of bad. When bad things happen -- and they constantly do -- I am better able to handle them.
Life is good again!
And you have NO idea how dramatic a change this is for me. Because I was the strong, silent type. But now you know.
So rejoice with me!!!
As you celebrate Christmas, opening presents, sipping cocoa, caroling, hanging out with family, remember that God is still in the miracle-working business. And that He loves you. And when you think of me, I hope you smile.
Merry Christmas!!
