I took quite a long hiatus from blogging due to unforeseen personal circumstances that just made me change my priorities, circle the wagons, get back to basics and get over some pretty huge wounds inflicted by people who should have known better but somehow, inexplicably, didn't.
So I was thinking about what I'd like to say after a year away, and it occurred to me that the shift in my priorities ought to be the focus. So here's the thing. After being ripped off by unscrupulous remodelers, losing over $100,000 in the process, facing four kids' college tuition with no money and no retirement money, dealing with bitterness, loss of faith in God, and severe emotional pain that left me on the outside of an organization I thought I'd see through until the day I died, I came to the conclusion that we walk through this life alone -- not completely alone but nothing is secure here beyond our own personal walk with God and our own interactions with other human beings. I trusted the wrong people, probably through some inner fault of mine that kept me from holding them accountable because I was insecure and underconfident. The thing is, if God has given us free will, and He says He has, that means other people have free will, too, and their decisions affect our lives. But ultimately, God is there in the midst of it all.
Learning the hard lessons -- always the hard way, it seems -- has left me vulnerable in some areas and hardened in others. I tend not to trust people as easily now and when bad things happen I tend to mistrust God as well. The important lesson I learned is that God can take that. He knows our frailties, fears, and concerns. He knows the deepest longings of our hearts, and already knows how we're going to react. The truth is He loves us in spite of our sin and sent His son because of our frailties. It's comforting to know that He has our backs when we're wrongly accused and is ever present -- ready to comfort us.
2 comments:
Some of the most difficult times make us stronger, especially when we let God be God in our lives. I went through the same feeling of loneliness when I was at the wrong church for far too long. God led our family to one that was perfect for us. What a wonderful difference, but what a hard lesson: being hurt by Christians who ought to know better is the deepest wound because we have higher expectations.
I had thought I saved this but I published it instead! Not that it's not all true, but I was going to think more about what I wanted to say/reveal before posting it. I've been away from blogspot too long! You're right, of course. We grow through these experiences in ways we don't see until much later. Being blind to what happens between others and what is being said about you when you aren't present is, I think, very lethal. I've been trying to only say about people things I would say to them. That was another powerful lesson! Lots of learning going on...
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