The People God Sends...

Sometimes one thing leads to another, to another, to another, and you don't remember how it all began, but it seems the bends in the road have twisted and turned and you are no longer the same person you once were. Times have changed. Circumstances have changed who you are. Your relationships have deepened. Changed. Or even ended. You experience deep loss and deeper regret. Life throws sucker punches at you and while you're able to duck many of them and marvel at how God has rescued you from a few more. There are those that hit you square in the face or knock the wind out of you. Those are the punches that send you reeling. And hopefully, they send you to your knees.

I have recently been on the receiving end of a few wild and hard punches. One or two of them were unforeseen and unavoidable. One wasn't. I created it myself. But the unavoidable ones are hardest. You can't walk away from the pain, and the swirling vortex of confusion that mounts as you attempt to avoid the inevitable grows stronger. We recently purchased a fixer-upper home with lots of possibilities. We knew nothing about flipping homes, although we'd seen it done on tv a few times. But now we have found ourselves at the helm of a sinking ship, paddling desperately in a sea of debt -- with no kitchen, no garage, and 2300 square feet of mostly unusable space.

We told our realtor we would be so busy this year with work and trying to get our daughters ready for college that we needed a turnkey situation. Any remodeling project would have to be the sole responsibility of our contractor. (Our realtor was our contractor.)With this in mind, he took on the project. Everything that could go wrong did. The project was 100% over budget when we finally said "no more."

I'm disappointed that our boundaries weren't heeded, even though we clearly delineated them up front. I'm disappointed that God, who knew there was going to be a mortgage crisis heading our way since He knows EVERYTHING, allowed us to go through the turmoil of losing all our money, then not being able to get a new mortgage for four months. I'm disappointed that despite many frantic phone calls, most of the subcontractors refused to call us back or return to finish the work they had begun. (I assume they were worried about getting paid, but why not phone us back to tell us that?)

I think in light of eternity this is all just a blink of an eye, flip of flirty hair, shrug of the shoulders type problem. I mean, no one is dying, right? But my two girls are spending their last year at home crammed into a tiny bedroom surrounded by boxes instead of in their new addition. I'm disappointed. (Did I mention that I was disappointed yet?)

But I titled this post "The People God Sends" for a reason. I have met the most wonderful people on this journey to completion. We found a modern furniture store where we could buy a piece that would be less expensive than a wall of cabinets for the kitchen space and will look even more cool and mod. The salesman there led me to a dear woman at Mediterranean Tile who gave me a cut rate on countertops once she heard my story. Her friend, a cabinetmaker, leveled all our already installed (incorrectly) cabinets for us and is going to help out wherever he can. He is a humble, kind, funny guy who is easy to have around and fabulous at what he does. An electrician I met at Home Depot is coming by today to fix the problems the former electrician caused.

These are Godsend people.

And I am grateful.

May I one day possess the humility and grace to forgive those who have wronged us -- even if it means my kids can't attend the colleges of their dreams and even if it means we lost money or will lose the house. May God be glorified.

Yours -- with hope and fear and struggles and pain and with joy in the journey and throughout the rain,

Megan Elizabeth

Find me...

I was sitting at the computer watching an episode of my husband's tv show, Think It Thru, when a poem began drafting itself inside my head. I typed it in as it came to me, fast and fluid, like a waterfall tumbling over rocky crags with unseen force. I believe it was God trying to tell me who He really is, who His son, Messiah, is, and to urge me to show others who we, as living sacrifices left on earth to be a witness to future generations of the validity of Yeshua's messiahship, should be toward everyone we meet, Jewish or goyim, sinner and saint. For some reason, as the show was ending, I said the words, "Find me." I think maybe He did.

Here it is...


Amid the faint starlight and temporal glow of evening, lies a dim flicker, a dying ember, waiting to be fanned to glorious flame.
Nearby sits a still, quiet, thoughtful creature, a spotless lamb of unmentionable quality and astonishing vigor,
filled with laughter and joy, freedom and love, gentleness and peace.

The lost, the lonely, the longing, the grieving--they arrive as the sunrise deepens, transforming the shade of night into the brilliant color of a fresh, new day;
they come with fear and anguish written across their tear-stained faces, but they do come.

Washing over them with aromatic oil, fragrant and floral, the princely lamb lifts each chin, meets each eye, and says to every wandering heart, "Come."

I rush forward, leaping over rocks and skirting thorn-infested brambles, to meet this gentle lamb with His healing touch and knowing eyes.
I fall at His feet, wrestling with my inadequacies, wallowing in my guilt and shame, writhing in secret pain.

He does not curse and swear, He does not cringe in disgust, He does not stand in judgment.
He stoops to meet my gaze, holds me in His strong, loving arms, and rests my weary head across his sturdy shoulder.

Then He sings over me--sweet songs of forgiveness and peace, deliverance and rest, comfort and life.
I am humbled at His touch; I dirty his woolen white coat with my sin-stained skin.

Yet He doesn't walk away.
He stays.

I found them!!!!!

The were hidden in a superdisk (what we used before CD-Rs. Can you believe we ever used these?). So now I need to tweak!

Megan

Why me?!?!?

I cannot find three of my children's book manuscripts. The precise three that have been requested by someone. Is this not the most incredible, ironic, horrific thing? I am going to have to try and recreate them. Who knows? Maybe they'll be better than the originals. But why me?!?!?!?

Yours -- in confusion and bliss,

Megan Elizabeth (alias: Mr. Magoo!)

P.S. Mom is home from the hospital and doing much better. Still having trouble eating with her tiny stomach -- she gets full easily and has little appetite. But she's off the feeding tube. It was making her sick, so she logged her calories, showed the log to the doctor and begged. He removed it. She's quite a little fighter, that one! (I know what you're thinking. I get my hutzbah from her. But hutzbah by its very nature comes from the Jewish side -- my dad's! : ) )

What's your favorite Dan Fogelberg song?

Mine was, is, and always will be...

Nether Lands.

No competition. It's my favorite song of all time.

Yours -- with heartfelt gratitude, deepest respect, great admiration, and much love for a man I never met whose music I will always treasure,

Megan Elizabeth

Nether Lands

High on this mountain
The clouds down below
I`m feeling so strong and alive
From this rocky perch
I`ll continue to search
For the wind
And the snow
And the sky
I want a lover
I want some friends
And I want to live in the sun
And I want to do all the things that I
never have done.

Sunny bright mornings
And pale moonlit nights
Keep me from feeling alone
Now, I`m learning to fly
And this freedom is like
Nothing that I`ve ever known
I`ve seen the bottom
And I`ve been on top
But mostly I`ve lived in between
And where do you go
When you get to the end of
your dream?

Off in the nether lands
I heard a sound
Like the beating of heavenly wings
And deep in my brain
I can hear a refrain
Of my soul as she rises and sings
Anthems to glory and
Anthems to love and
Hymns filled with early delight
Like the songs that the darkness
Composes to worship the light.

Once in a vision
I came on some woods
And stood at a fork in the road
My choices were clear
Yet I froze with the fear
Of not knowing which way to go
One road was simple
Acceptance of life
The other road offered sweet peace
When I made my decision
My vision became my release.

Nether Lands

Dan Fogelberg: 8/13/51-12/17/07

Dear Friends,

I'm so grateful to all of you who wrote to Dan through The Living Legacy website with your stories of how his music touched your lives; with your uplifting words of encouragement; with your declarations of admiration and friendship.

Dan was a strong and private man, but even the mountain must tremble, and during the toughest times he gained solace and comfort from reading your letters and learning that his music had been a source of light in your lives. Greatest of all though, was the feeling you gave him that his time here had served a purpose. I hope you will find some peace in knowing that the joy and comfort you found in his music winged its way back to him through your words, prayers, and good wishes.

Thank you,

Jean Fogelberg

"There is no darkness in this place we're bound. Love is the only thing that matters.

          *********************

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Dear Friends,

Dan left us this morning at 6:00 am. He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side. His strength, dignity, and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.

In May of 2004, Dan was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

A personal letter from D.F.

I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all of the thousands of wonderful people who have sent such incredibly moving and supportive e-mails via the Living Legacy web site. It is truly overwhelming and humbling to realize how many lives my music has touched so deeply all these years. Each one of you who have taken the time and effort to reach out to Jean and I have helped immeasurably to uplift our spirits and keep us looking strongly forward during some very rough moments. I thank you from the very depths of my heart.

I currently have no plans to return to the concert stage or the recording studio in the foreseeable future, but who knows? At least for now, I prefer to keep my options open.

Again, my deepest thanks and love to all,

Dan

What are the odds?

I forgot about my last post (below). The last freelance assignment I took before my break was to interview children's book authors for a magazine. One of them showed her publisher my webpage and she requested three of my picture book manuscripts. I don't know if anything will come of it, but isn't it strange and God-like that this happened right after I made a commitment to put down my schedule and the busyness of life and start... well... living?

Yours -- with anticipation and trepidation, longing and laughter,

Megan Elizabeth

I am sitting in my loft office with my fifth grade son at my feet. He's doing math, I think. I'm thinking about how my world has become a swirling vortex of freelance jobs with deadlines, checking on my mother who is recovering nicely after the removal of 80% of her stomach, trying to be my own remodeling contractor, driving my daughters around town, and teaching my sons.

Notably absent from the list are the following: working on my manuscripts, cooking, cleaning, and... well... living.

That's what I want to talk about today.

I spent a restless night going over and over why I seem to feel so miserable and nervous all the time. Jean, you already knew, but it took me a while to admit it, I think. I am overextended. When you stretch yourself so thin that you move from opaque to clear and then can even be seen straight through, something has to change. And for me, it is changing right now. I've decided to take a month off from freelancing so that I can get my book manuscripts back into shape and submit them. I am also going to cook gourmet meals for my family again. I LOVE doing that. My mother cooked for us each night, no matter what else was going on or where we needed to be -- football, music lessons, choir practice, whatever. There was still a family meal, and the absent child always, ALWAYS came home to a plate of food warming in the oven, a remnant of the spectacular meal everyone else shared together.

I plan to reconnect with my family over dinner. I remember clearly the night in 1974 when we solved the energy crisis around the dinner table. I also remember dragging the old black and white tv into the kitchen the night Jack Benny died so we could watch the tribute. There would be no repeats, so we had to do that! I remember being tricked out of the last portion of this or that by my scheming brothers and loud arguments about which political candidate deserved to win an election. I remember the somber night we walked into the house silently after dining out at a restaurant together. We had just heard Jim Croce's plane went down (Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, Time in a Bottle).

We talked about school. We talked about movies. We talked about sports. We talked about religion. The point is... We talked! Over chateaubriand and brussels sprouts. Over lamb roast and rosemary potatoes. Over Matzo ball soup and homebaked bread. (Never over hot dogs -- My Jewish father didn't permit us to eat them. Or to drink coke for some reason unknown to me. Now that we all know it leaches calcium from the bones, I'm thankful for dear ole dad and his idiosyncrasies!)

All that to say...

If there's a delay in my email answer to you, if I don't answer the phone and linger over a meal before returning your call, if I take my daughters to the opera instead of meeting that deadline, if I help my sons build a trebuchet when I could be racing around town to this meeting or that, please understand.

And please take my advice.

Life is short -- live it wisely.

Yours -- when I'm stupid and shallow and when I'm deep and thought-provoking,

Megan Elizabeth

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:12 NIV).