This is not fun...

If I were to create a list of things I do not ever want to do again for as long as I live, two things would be right up there at the top: childbirth and remodeling a house.

Childbirth I can live without doing again -- I have four children already. And believe me, that's enough. But this neverending remodeling project is no picnic, I assure you. It's like labor all over again, complete with screaming and groaning and pleas for drugs!

So you know about this whole mortgage crisis, right? All those subprime mortgages that were doled out over the past several years and then all those poor families who lost their homes when the interest rates on their ARMS went up? WE ARE NOT ONE OF THEM! Can you all please say it again -- this time with feeling? THE HOYTS REALLY, HONESTLY DO QUALIFY FOR THIS RENOVATION LOAN!

So here's what happened. The mortgage lender told us our credit score needed to come up 22 points in order to get the loan amount we wanted. This is all because I'm a freelance writer and have no documented proof of income to provide. If I did, there would be no problem. As it stands, though, we have to be extra credit-worthy to squeeze into the loan. So he uses this automated software program from the Credit Bureaus (Don't even get me started on them. I used to work for Equifax, and oh, the tales I could tell!). It tells him we need to pay down a bill by $2000. So we do it. Then he repulls the credit and instead of pulling up our score 22 points it goes up 3. 

Huh?

So he tells us we have to use a different software program to manipulate this credit score. Okay. What does this software program tell us to do? Pay down several different credit cards at a total cost of $2000. I'm sensing deja vu at this point and looking for the hidden camera. Is this some sort of joke?

Do I look like I have another $2000 laying around?

Maybe it's hidden under the mattress. I'll go check... Nope.

Maybe it's buried in the backyard... Found a dog bone (I hope it's a dog bone), but no cash.

I know -- Steve has a secret stash down at the office... Ahem. Absolutely out of the question.

Maybe... Maybe...

I hate to admit it, but I went crying home to mother. And she gave me the $2000. Now that mortgage lender better be telling us the truth about this magical manipulation. We need to finish remodeling this house!!!

End of rant.

Almost.

I do want to give credit where credit is due... 

So where the heck is my good credit?

Yours -- with sighs and sadness, whimpers and wails,

Megan Elizabeth